Uke Flu
by Scarlotte O'Hara
Summary: ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to the epidemic! Original idea from Cereberus Revised's Uke Flu who graciously OK'd me using the idea and bringing it to the bleach-verse. The original is based on Junjou Romantica and I suggest you read it if familiar with the anime. The Junjou characters Misaki and Usami make a quick cameo to help explain things, and if you are interested in Misaki's story please read Cereberus's Days without sun.

Without further ado, catch the bug!

Ichigo turned on the TV and let out a groan "not this again!" He buried his hands in his orange locks in obvious despair.

"Whats that Kurosaki? More about how you fucked over gay society as a whole?" A very large Uryu waddled into view, looking very much like he had swallowed a basketball. His eyes flicked to the TV where a young news reporter was speaking, tuning out Ichigo's grumbling he listened closely.

_"The virus M3PREG36 now also called the "uke flu" is rapidly spreading in Karakura town and is soon expected to become a global epidemic. The initial patient, who shall remain anonymous, was seen by a young resident at a local hospital. Without knowing it the flu was passed to the doctor who in turn carried it out into the world, currently it is believed that seme's cannot become ill but are used by the virus as carriers to infect the uke's. The virus is airborne and also found in bodily secretions; it is advised if you are part of the homosexual community to abstain from any risky behavior until further notice." The new caster began to fidget uncomfortably in his chair as his co anchor, noticing his discomfort, took over for him._

_"Thank you Sion" she said smoothly, her voice holding no trace of worry but Uryu noticed her eyes were keenly watching her partner. "As Sion said, please abstain until further notice. If you should find yourself a victim or know someone who is there are many resources available for help, please visit our website for a list of clinics and other options." Her face paled slightly as she saw her partner clamp a hand over his mouth and dash off, Uryu didn't see much except that his middle was swollen, a sure sign the man had the flu. He surmised that clearly the woman was not homosexual and therefore immune to the flu to a certain extent, it seemed only the gay community was affected._

He pinned his gaze on his partner, who was looking a little green and sniffed, pushing his glasses further up on the bridge of his nose.

"I don't know what you're so upset about, it's not like you're the one whose pregnant" he huffed.

"No" Ichigo said quietly "but it's kind of my fault right? I was the one who was in contact with Misaki first."

"And you were doing all you could to help that poor, terrified young man after his ordeal" Uryu said, settling himself down next to the other man slowly.

"He was so scared" Ichigo said, looking down at his clasped hands "but his partner, you know Usami Akihiko?" Uryu nodded, who didn't know that famous author? Ichigo continued "he was so worried, he finally found him but Misaki had been tortured and experimented on. We didn't know to what extent right away, and by the time we realized about the virus it was too late." His brown eyes fell to Uryu's swollen mid section. Uryu let a ghost of a smile cross his lips, his seme was distraught over all that had happened and understandably so, still it really wasn't anyone's fault. He placed his pale hand over Ichigo's and laid it on his belly.

"It's ok, in a way. Many gay couples want children and can't have them, now they can" he smiled, or tried to but it ended up looking like a snarl. "Ichigo" he asked, his tone low, "you've been to soul society recently right? Do you think…" he trailed off, the rest didn't need to be said. Ichigo's brown eyes widened in worry and his head drooped.

"Rukia said that shinigami can't get sick because they are souls, and since they can't get sick then this shouldn't affect them!" He said brightly, clearly grateful for that one small mercy. Uryu smiled knowingly, things with Ichigo were never that simple and he thought perhaps he needed to pay a visit to their shinigami friends himself; just to be sure.

* * *

"Go away Kyoraku, I can handle myself I don't need you smothering me all day."

"Juuuu"the brunette whined pitifully, his eyes pleading, "you've been sick for weeks and aren't getting any better I can't possibly rest easy with you in this state."

"That may be true, but I certainly don't need you hovering around me all day when you have work to do" the white haired man fixed him with a pointed stare.

"Fine" the brunette gave in easily, but then again he would do anything to please his lover, even if it meant leaving him alone. "Before I go is there anything you need?" Ukitake shook his head no and leaning down Kyoraku placed a soft kiss of the man's forehead before leaving, looking back once to wave.

"He really is such a fool" Ukitake muttered to the ceiling as he drifted off to sleep.

Hours later he awoke to find the house completely dark and still, slowly he got up and shrugging on his warmest robe made his way to the porch. Unsurprisingly he found two things waiting for him, Kyoraku Shunsui and a bottle of sake, smiling he sat down, snuggling into the larger man's warmth.

"How long have you been out here?"

"Only a little while" the brunette responded, dropping a kiss on the tip of his nose as he pulled him closer. Ukitake hummed and placed his head on the broad shoulder as he listened to his lover recount the day's events including a rather ill looking Yumichika who had vomited on his feet during their sparring session. The rather flamboyant Yumichika had been offended at what happened and Kyoraku had to spend a good half hour reassuring the man he was still beautiful despite vomiting on his feet. Ukitake had to laugh at that, it was so typical of the man, who stuck out like a sore thumb in the eleventh. Eventually their conversation turned to comfortable silence and Ukitake began to feel sleepy again, slowly drifting off to the sound of Kyoraku's heartbeat and the wind moving slowly through the trees, he closed his eyes and then snapped them wide open.

Ukitake didn't think he had moved so fast in his life, as soon as he closed his eyes the world was pulled out from under him and he was sent spinning. All he knew was one second he was comfortably snuggling with his lover, the next on his knees in his own front yard expelling the contents of his stomach most violently. He felt Kyoraku's large hands on his back, making soothing circles as he continued to heave, even when there was nothing left. When he had an attack it was coughing, never vomiting, and at this moment he thought that coughing was winning out on which he would rather do. Despite the fact he had completely emptied his stomach his body wouldn't stop quivering and heaving, as if it were trying to turn him inside out. A sharp pain shot through his abdomen and out through his navel as he began retching again, bringing up bright yellow bile.

"Juu.." Kyoraku said worriedly "Juu, come on let's get you to the fourth."

Ukitake grinned lamely "yea, not like you need another person puking on your feet today." Kyoraku let out a small chuckle as he lifted the white haired captain his arms.

"Come on love, let's go see what your problem is, besides me" he winked and began to slowly walk towards the 4th, careful not to jostle his precious cargo too much.

* * *

Retsu had unbraided and re braided her hair at least a dozen times in frustration. Her friends had come in, Ukitake in a sorry state, unable to stop retching and Kyoraku greatly concerned despite his calm demeanor. In all the year she had known the pair, which was quite a few; she had never seen Ukitake reduced to this during any of his attacks. She was certain this was something different, he usually coughed up blood, yet here he was retching up bile. Her vice-captain had given the poor man anti emetics and they seemed to be working as he was now complaining about severe muscle pain in his middle, which was to be expected from all of the heaving. She finished braiding her long mane of dark hair and impatiently tapped her fingernail against her desk, it wouldn't be long now before the blood work was back and hopefully that would shed some light onto the situation. Her thoughts were interrupted when a small voice sounded from the doorway.

"Captain, the blood work is back. You may want to take a look, it's ah unusual." She nodded, and composing herself for what she was about to see she pushed her chair back and got up.

"Thank you" she said taking the papers from her subordinate's hands, the man nodded and left the room. Her eyes glided quickly over the papers, checking for any abnormalities, noting that his iron level was within normal limits as were his BUN and creatinine which dictated kidney function. Then her dark eyes caught a number in a slot that was never associated with male, he had a reported level of 133 in the HCG level column. HCG Human Chorionic Gonadotropin was not something men had as it was only found in the bloodstream during pregnancy, and Ukitake's levels indicated he was at least 2 weeks pregnant. She slowly lowered herself to the floor, not trusting her ability to walk as her mind reeled, trying to absorb the phenomenon.

* * *

Elsewhere in Seireitei Yumichika was enjoying a quiet nighttime stroll with his lover when he felt a slow crawl of energy up his spine. He turned his head toward the fourth as he recognized Retu's immense energy flowing out of her in agitated waves.

"What could be wrong?" He asked, curious.

His lover shook his shaggy head "it is the hospital; there is no telling what's going on in there. She is unusually upset though." He murmured drawing his beautiful mate closer into him.

"Well, I for one want to stay as far away from that place as possible" Yumichika sniffed in disgust, being sick was not beautiful. He was feeling markedly better since this afternoon when he had vomited on Kyoraku's feet, who assured him that he still looked quite graceful, even while vomiting. Little did Yumichika know the irony of his statement as he continued to walk peacefully beside his lover without a care in the world.

Please leave me a review, thoughts and opinions always welcome.


	2. A rather green Kuchiki

**beta'd by fuusunshine**

**fuu: it's ALWAYS Ichigo's fault isn't it?**

**Renji-Bya lover: Always nice to see you swing by. Enjoy this Renji/Bya snippet**

**Kotori Yui: Thank you for your Shu/Yumi inspiration. The original fic is by Cereberus Revised titled Uke Flu. Very good fic I recommend it to anyone along with his Neko-Hiro fic.**

**As always reviews are like candy to my soul, so please indulge me!**

Renji was surprised to find the office completely empty, usually Byakuya arrived much earlier than he did and for a moment the red head wondered if he was early. Looking at the time he was not surprised to find he was not early and instead was a good fifteen minutes late for duty, but where was the captain? He saw no sign that the raven haired man had even been in the building, concerned he considered heading to the Kuchiki manor when a rather disheveled and green colored Byakuya appeared hanging onto the doorway.

"Kuchiki?" He queried, his captain peered up at him through his mane of dark hair; his trademark kensiken nowhere in sight. Renji noticed his usually calm storm cloud colored eyes were troubled and red rimmed with purple bags underneath them. Straightening himself up Byakuya appeared to somewhat regain his composure as he moved toward his desk.

"I am fine Renji, thank you for your concern" he said, sitting down rather stiffly.

"How about I make you some tea captain?" Tea was safe, and usually helped improve his captains mood, something he seemed in need of at the moment.

Byakuya nodded "tea would be good Renji." Picking up a pen he dove into the paperwork, his lovely handwriting swirling and snaking on the pages. Renji sighed to himself, there was no way his captain would tell him what was going on, that bridge had been burned and it was all his fault.

_"Renji, stop we can't" Byakuya panted, unable to untangle himself from the red head's embrace._

_"Why can't we?" Renji growled low in his throat as his nipped at the captain's pale neck._

_"It's not right, it's unseemly."_

_"Well, it seems to me that you like it just fine" Renji smirked, placing his hand on Byakuya's hard member and gently fondling it through the slender man's clothing._

_This had been going on for about a month, Byakuya always refusing and Renji relentlessly pursuing him until his body gave in to its true desires. Byakuya would never tell Renji how much he loved him, how hopelessly and head over heels he was for the man, but Renji knew because he felt the same way. Theirs was a love that could never be, laden with obligation and revulsion within their society. As if the fact that homosexual relationships were frowned upon was not enough there was Byakuya's position to consider, as clan head he was expected to procreate. If he were to be with a man there was no chance of a Kuchiki heir being born, and as such he would be forced to step down from his current position. Byakuya's main concern as he had expressed to Renji was that all he had worked so hard for would be lost, the discrimination and wills of the older members would come back into play and destroy the now loved Kuchiki name. It wasn't that Renji didn't understand that, he simply wanted his captain in any way he could have and if it meant these secret meetings or surprise ambushes so be it. _

_Plunging into Byakuya's warm and welcoming depth he groaned, his persistence always paid off as he drove the stoic captain as wild as he drove him. Their mouths came crashing together in a tangle of passion and heat as their hands pulled their bodies as close as they could without melding into one. The slender pale hips bucked against his tanned and tattooed ones as his captain moaned his name softly in his ear. It was enough to make Renji come undone, hearing Abarai tenderly said over and over again like a mantra as his captain's hips rolled into his. Nipping at a pert nipple he picked up the pace, determined to make his reluctant lover come undone before him, grasping Byakuya' s hips he held the man still as he made circular motions with his hips. The slate grey eyes snapped open and an unwarranted moan escaped the thin lips as Renji smirked, over and over again he hit that spot until with a long and low moan Byakuya painted his stomach white in thick, ropey spurts. Unable to last any longer at the erotic sight he loosed a howl and buried himself in his captain feeling his cock spasm as the waves of orgasm washed over him. They lay like that for a few moments before Byakuya began to wiggle around._

_"Renji, your heavy, move." So it was back to Renji was it? The red head kept his head turned to hide his disappointment and slowly disengaged himself from the smaller man's body._

_"Bya-"_

_"Renji" his captain spoke harshly, tying his obi back into place "we do not need to exchange pleasantries; it will not do for you to get attached."_

_But…..he thought wearily….I already am, I have been for years….._

After that Renji's heart was in turmoil, he thought his captain felt affection toward him but it seemed he was just deluding himself. And even if he did his captain had made it clear with that last action that things between them were to come to an end. To anyone else it may have seemed like nothing but he knew better, normally Byakuya would stay for a little while, curled up in his arms and the two would simply relax in the afterglow. It was obvious that his captain did not want him to get attached and was ending things and as such Renji hadn't pursued him further, and their last session was over a week ago, and things had only become more and more unbearable since then.

If Renji thought he was alone in his misery he would have been wrong. Byakuya let out an audible sigh as his rather delicious vice captain left to retrieve tea; he took a deep breath willing himself to calm down. He had been feeling slightly under the weather for weeks now and had simply chalked it up to being overworked and rather stressed about his illicit affair with Renji. He had hoped that once he ended things he would feel better, instead he felt even worse. His stomach had been in knots for several days, cumulating in several episodes of vomiting that morning and the fact that no matter how ill he was he simply wanted to feel Renji inside him again. Kami, he thought to himself, what is wrong with me?

"Captain" Renji's deep baritone broke into his thoughts as he set the tea in front of his captain. "I made peppermint; it's supposed to be soothing."

Byakuya inclined his head "thank you Renji, it smells wonderful." He gingerly picked up a cup and took a small sip, letting it snake down his throat and settle into his stomach. As he continued to slowly drink the tea he felt his stomach gradually unwind and begin returning to normal, relieved he would be able to concentrate on his work he didn't notice the hell butterfly waiting patiently on his desk until it alighted on his teacup and he almost ingested it. Sputtering he harshly eyed the offending insect as it fluttered at eye level, he ignored Renji's chuckle at his mishap and allowed the creature to alight on his fingertip.

"Captain Kuchiki, please report to division 4 at your earliest convenience and bring Renji with you. Thank you" captain Unohana's voice pleasantly said, looking at Renji he raised a brow in question.

"Yea, I'm free now" his vice captain said, knowing his captains unspoken words.

_Almost as well as a lover would_ a niggling voice said inside Byakuya's head. Angrily he brushed it away; he had done what he needed to do to protect himself and Renji.

Retsu had decided better to be safe than sorry and so as a result she decided she would one by one obtain blood samples. She started with the captains and vice captains and would work her way down until all the divisions were accounted for, Ukitake was still in quarantine and while feeling better had not been told of his condition per say. It was a delicate matter and she was unsure of how to tell a man he was expecting and not only that but how to tell soul society there were pregnant men among them? She shuddered as she thought of the discrimination that would follow for these unfortunate men. She made sure to sit down before she read Byakuya and Renji's lab results; everything checked out for Renji, he was completely normal. Her eyes narrowed at Byakuya's results; in the HCG column like a damn red flag was a number, a low number but a number all the same. The number indicated Byakuya was about one week pregnant, she set her lips in a tight line and sent out a hell butterfly informing Byakuya he was to return at once to division 4, and she would have yet another pregnant male under quarantine it seemed. She turned to her vice-captain who stood waiting, never questioning her captain and always loyal, she gently smiled at her.

"Isane, prepare a senkaimon please."

"Yes captain, where to?" She asked, dutifully but the question in her eyes wasn't missed by her captain.

"To Urahara's, we need some answers."


	3. In which Unohana needs a vacation

**Kareru-chan: you got it! I hope it is fun yet angsty in some parts. I am just going with the flow on this one, not real thought out plot.**

**Kotori-Yui: Thank you, and we will see eh? I make no promises**

**Fuusunshine: Who doesn't love a sexy renji?!**

**Renji-Bya lover: Some will be longer than others, I like my chapters a certain length however if things come to a natural conclusion before then I wrap it up. I hope it was still a good read despite the length.**

**Guest:Thanks for stopping by and oh yes he will!**

Yumichika had been mistaken when he had assumed his stomach felt well enough to hold down lunch. The previous day he had vomited on Kyoraku's sandaled feet, the only consolation being that Kyoraku himself probably vomited on them more than anyone else from the amount of sake he consumed on a shockingly regular basis. The brunette captain had laughed and assured him that he was still quite stunning despite having vomit in his dark hair and spittle hanging from his lip, Yumichika was positive there was nothing beautiful about this. Stifling a groan he had made it back to his barracks and continued to empty the contents of his stomach, only interrupted by his friend Ikkaku, who brought him some peppermint tea to settle his stomach.

The tea did indeed help and so did Ikkaku's company, his friend was the clear opposite of him, a huge pervert, bald, masculine and raunchy; yet there was no one Yumichika treasured more except one Shuhei Hisagi. Listening to Ikkaku's re telling of the events he had missed due to his unfortunate illness brought a smile to his delicate face; as usual their captain Kenpachi had been on a tear and made most of the new members of the 11th shit their pants. Yumichika snickered as Ikkaku described the mass onslaught to get to their barracks and the bathroom, he had felt the swell in the captains crushing reiatsu earlier and one of Yumichika's favorite parts about new recruit training was that he got to fight, most of the new members underestimated the 5th seat horribly and he always enjoyed beating them soundly, without even breaking a sweat. His appearance was a direct contradiction of everything the 11th squad stood for, his angular, delicate face, glossy dark hair, feather adornments and his decidedly much more tasteful choice of clothing. The rest of the squad was similar to his good friend Ikkaku, except Ikkaku at least had the sense to indulge in good personal hygiene. Which is why he thought it was odd when his nose wrinkled and a bad taste invaded his mouth.

"Ikkaku?" He asked, hesitantly. His bald friend raised his eyebrows in question. "You took a shower right?"

"Yea, why do I smell?" He raised his arms up and sniffed at his pits in a rather gorilla like manner. Yumichika couldn't help but offer a wan smile at his antics.

"I don't know, but something smells….disgusting" he said and stood up quickly as his stomach threatened to empty itself.

"Dude, again? We need to get you to the fourth….NOW." Just like that Yumichika was swept up into Ikkaku's warm and comforting embrace, closing his eyes he allowed himself to be carried to the fourth in this most undignified manner. As it turns out it was rather fortunate Ikkaku insisted on carrying him because halfway through the journey Yumichika ever so gracefully and prettily shut his violet eyes and fainted.

* * *

Shuhei was finishing up some paperwork when a hell butterfly landed on top of his pencil, sighing he held out a finger to the dark insect as it began to relinquish its message.

"Lieutenant Hisagi, please report to the fourth division immediately" came the no nonsense drone of Unohana's monotone voice. Immediately the hairs on his neck stood on end, the healer's tone while flat had a slight tinge of worry that only one as observant as Shuhei would pick up on. Fighting his OCD urge to stack his papers that were done on one side and the unfinished ones on the other he stood up; and giving his messy desk one last look he launched into shun po as he felt his eye twitch in annoyance at the mess he had left behind.

"Lieutenant" Isane greeted the brunette man as he pushed through the door. He nodded in greeting.

"I was called?"

"Follow me please" she said and began to walk him toward the back of the division and toward the offices. Shuhei felt his gut tighten; no one went into the back and got good news. Isane stopped in front of Unohana's door, pushing it open she gestured for him to go inside.

"Please, make yourself comfortable. Captain Unohana will be with you shortly." Comfortable when waiting for the captain of the 4th division to deliver whatever terrifying news it was she wasn't telling him was not something that he felt was possible to do. In fact if anything he was most definitely uncomfortable. From the all too sterile smell of the place to the anatomy posters hanging on the wall he couldn't possibly relax. When he tired of pacing the office after about five minutes he began to arrange the pens on her desk by size, running his hands through his coarse hair he let out a sigh.

"Lieutenant Hisagi?" A rather shocked red head appeared in the doorway with a pink kimono wearing brunette.

"Renji, Kyoraku…What are you two doing here?" He narrowed his dark grey eyes, becoming more and more suspicious as the situation was slowly growing weirder. Both men shrugged as they slowly entered the room with trepidation. As the three men waited uncomfortably for Unohana they made small talk, and from what they all said their lovers had all recently fallen ill. Renji was very quiet when he spoke of Byakuya as no one else knew of what had transpired between them, homosexual relationships were looked down on but one between a captain and vice-captain and noble clan head. Shuhei felt for the poor man and Kyoraku's normally grinning face had a rough edge of seriousness about it as they both assured the rather distraught Renji they wouldn't breathe a word of it. As the door swung open all three men stood up as Unohana glided into the room followed by Isane.

"Gentlemen" she said, nodding her head at them and motioning for them to sit down. The three men silently took their seats as she sat down at her desk and shuffled through some papers. Handing one paper to each man she began.

"I'm sure you will notice that these papers are not your but are those of your lovers." She waved her hand, dismissing interruption or correction of this face and continued. "Notice that while everything appears normal there is one addition. Please look to the column marked HCG, do any of you know what this is?"

"Captain, isn't that a pregnancy hormone?" Renji asked his childhood in the streets had forced him to be around prostitutes, many who were tested regularly for pregnancy as protection wasn't always used. His normally deep and playful voice was diminished to a broken whisper as he put the pieces together. Shuhei glanced down to the paper he held in his trembling hands. It was Yumichika's results, he too had a number in the HCG column, and it was at that point Shuhei began to question the soul king's very existence because surely this was some sort of joke.

"Are you saying that our lovers are pregnant?" Kyoraku asked, his eyes scanning the page and looking to the healer for confirmation.

"Yes, and as you are their lovers I assume you are also the fathers. We will not be able to determine paternity until they are further along." Shuhei found his brain wasn't working, or his mouth as he sat there taking in gulps of air like a fish out of water.

"Isane" she nodded at her assistant and gave Shuhei a rather pointed look. The silver haired woman approached him slowly and with a blast a kido he felt himself begin to relax. Thanking her with his eyes, as his mouth was still not working, he went back to processing the fact that Yumichika was pregnant….with his kid….He cringed inwardly as he only imagined how the rather eccentric man would handle the news. He glanced over to Renji and Kyoraku, the brunette's trademark smile was gone and in its place a slight scowl, which Shuhei thought must have been a first for him. Renji was motionless, the paper gripped so tightly that the big man's knuckles were turning white. Not that he blamed him if he thought having to break the news to Yumichika was bad telling the proud Kuchiki he was pregnant with a bastard child would surely warrant him going into full bankai and kicking Renji's red headed ass all over the Seireitei.

"We want to give you gentlemen a little while to come to terms with this, and then we have some visitors who may be able to answer some questions for you." Unohana's calm voice broke into his jumbled thoughts; he looked up to see her smiling benevolently at them. He simply nodded and noted the other two gave motions of assent.

"When can we see them?" Renji asked, voice trembling.

"Once you are all calmer and of course we will be with you when you tell them. It's best if we do each man separately so that we can give them our full attention." Shuhei slumped in his chair, his body feeling heavier than Omaeda's after a banquet.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Urahara asked, his shaggy eyebrows slightly raised at the rather uncomfortable looking man in front of him.

"Well, we're here aren't we?" Ishida gestured to the office they were currently sitting in, which happened to be Isane's. "Plus we did the right thing, 3 cases have already been confirmed. They have a right to know how this happened."

"You don't think there will be retribution for Ichigo?"

"There might be, however if he were to not say anything, as he so smartly planned on doing thinking they couldn't catch it; and they found out then what? There would be more hell to pay and it would be an epidemic like it is in the living world, at least now they can hopefully contain it somewhat." The blonde sighed, the dark headed man was right he knew and he secretly thought Ichigo was a fool for not warning the shinigami. True, they were impervious to most viruses but this was a new one and should be handled with care seeing as the outbreak in the spiritual dimension was also his fault. Shaking his shaggy blonde head he eyed the now swollen Ishida, the man was about 5 months along which would be further than any of the shinigami and he wasn't sure if the Quincy's size would help or hurt the situation.

"Ishida, Urahara, they are ready for you. It is just the fathers for now; if you are up to it we can maybe visit the mother's one on one later?" Unohana had entered quietly and sat down, across from the shopkeeper.

"Also Urahara, I'd like you to stay and examine the mother's with me as this is new to my staff and I we would appreciate your expertise" she said softly. He nodded his assent while Ishida continued pacing, fuming to himself.

"What an idiot Kurosaki is, why would he not even think to tell you?" His head snapped up, looking at Unohana, before he dropped it again and continued his muttering. "Stupid freaking Kurosaki. The shinigami can't get sick, blah blah blah well guess what asshole they can."

"Is he really feeling up to this?" Unohana asked the rather exasperated shopkeeper.

"He's been like this for a few weeks now, apparently mood swings come with the package." The healer grimaced, Ishida's partner was Ichigo, and the orange haired man drove the normally proud and stoic Quincy quite mad on a regular basis, and now that it was heightened there was no telling if Ichigo would survive this.

"Ishida, they are waiting" she chided gently, pulling the man from his verbal train of thought. His dark eyes looked tired and frustrated as he offered her a wan smile.

"Alright, let's go tell them the news."

Ishida really was unsure of how the "father's" would handle the news but surprisingly they all took it semi well. It seemed they were more afraid of their partner's reactions than their own; he could sympathize given who their partners were. Renji was in a state of shock, Shuhei once he wrapped his mind around it had stated he would have to get ready for quite a bit of whining from Yumichika, and Kyoraku was, well, drinking. They had decided to let the fathers and Ishida rest that night and pick back up with informing the "mother's" of the news the following day.


	4. education

**A/N: chapters will be varying in length, enemy is my main story right now and this is a side project that I decided to do. Nonetheless enjoy the fun=)**

**yes my dears baby daddies abound, a moody ishida, grumpy bya and vain yumi all make for a good time!**

It had been decided that instead of telling the mother's one by one they would gather in an empty room with their partners, poor Ishida was just not up to explaining it three times and Unohana could not blame him. He had told her he was late into his 5th month and was becoming increasingly uncomfortable; she did not want to tax the poor man more than necessary as he was doing them a favor. She had her staff round up the three pairs and get them comfortably situated in the room before she made her entrance.

"Gentleman" she smiled gently, knowing the fathers were all mentally bracing themselves for this. She met each one of their eyes and noticed the top of a bottle peeking out of Kyoraku's robe. "I know you are wondering why I have asked you all to be here, it does seem that Yumichika, Byakuya and Jushiro you are all suffering from the same ailment."

"What does that have to do with them?" Byakuya grumbled, openly glaring at Renji. Unohana winced, wondering if the moodiness could start this early.

"To speak about that we have a guest, I believe you all are familiar with Ishida?" The six heads nodded "he is going to explain more in depth exactly what is happening to you as he is currently experiencing the same thing." She cracked the door and saw the raven haired quincy lounging against the wall, he pushed himself up with a grunt when he saw her and waddled into the room.

Three jaws hit the ground as the fathers having already seen this held their own. Yumichika began to make unintelligible noises; Byakuya's eyes narrowed and became as volatile as storm clouds whereas Jushiro simply smiled lovingly. Once Ishida was sitting in front of the room he cleared his throat, and for the first time in his life felt awkward as he addressed the group of shinigami's.

"Well, as you may have noticed I am pregnant. I came because Kurosaki did not think shinigami's could catch this virus; however I wanted to make sure-"

"Let me guess, we did?" Byakuya had leaned forward, hand on his stomach with a rather constipated look on his face.

"Yes, you three are the only cases in Seireitei and you are also some of the people Kurosaki has the most contact with when he is here" Ishida pointed out. "There is a vaccine in the living world which Unohana's team has gone to retrieve and will be brought here to duplicate it to give to the rest of the shinigami's if they desire it."

"What about us?" Someone said, it was a whisper but was still heard in the all but silent room.

"It's too late for you three; you have to wait until the child is born."

"What if we don't want it" the owner of the voice was Yumichika. His deep purple eyes brimming with tears and his perfectly placed feathers matted with wetness.

"Yumi" Shuhei started, his face trying to be neutral but the shock evident nonetheless.

"Don't Yumi me you big ass!" The slender man stood up with a huff "you're the one who did this to me, now I'm going to get big and fat and ugly!" Tears began to roll freely down his cheeks as Shuhei attempted to embrace him only to be pushed away, Yumichika angrily brandished his zanpaktou.

"I'll do it Hisagi! Just like I did before, you remember that don't you?"

"Yumichika!" A rather loud and gravelly voice boomed from the doorway, he turned his head as he saw the mountain of a man he called his captain standing there. "Quit shaking your ass and sit back." His voice left no room for anything but obeying, grateful to the interruption Shuhei watched as Yumichika gracefully settled himself back down.

"Why is captain Zaraki here?" Byakuya demanded.

"Aw princess I'm happy to see you here. Yumichika's in my squad so I have to be aware of his condition in order to give him time off, unlike everyone else here he isn't a captain or vice-captain." He pinned the captain of the 6th with a glare that even made the Kuchiki shrink slightly.

"Can we continue please?" A rather petulant Ishida asked the room, mumbles of yes and sure were heard along with Zaraki's snickering. Shooting the big man daggers with his navy eyes Ishida continued the story of how exactly this came to be.

"MP3REG36 or as it has been called in the living world the uke flu was the result of human experimentation. The original carrier was held in captivity and experimented on, apparently the man had many captives that he tortured, experimented on and made his sex slaves. This one, Misaki was found by his lover Ahihiko and at that time the side effects were not known, yes Shuhei?"

"Akihiko? The famous author?" Ishida's eyes widened in surprise.

"You know him?"

Shuhei blushed "I…I like his novels, all of them" he stammered as Yumichika rolled his eyes.

"What he means is even though he uses a different pen name he really enjoys the man's boys love novels. It gives him ideas" he said haughtily, flipping a length of dark hair as if to emphasize his point. The shaggy haired vice-captain turned an even more pronounced shade of red at this proclamation.

"As I was saying, yes Misaki was rescued by his lover and taken to the hospital, the hospital where Kurosaki is currently interning. As such he came in contact with the virus and passed it on to me, and unfortunately all of you on one of his visits here." He took a deep breath before continuing. "There are 3 phases, phase 1 and 2 last around 3 months if not longer, during these phases the uke will feel as if they have an unshakable cold. During this time a womb forms in their body as a fistula on the lower part of the colon with the egg and also contains the sustaining fluids that are generated by a mutation of the host's cells."

"Are you saying" Byakuya asked, steel bubbling dangerously in his voice "that I have a womb in my ass because Renji couldn't keep his hands to himself?" His voice was cold, calculated, and deadly. Renji went visibly pale. Ishida ignored the comment and continued, not really sure how to answer the angry captain.

"After that comes phase two. After the egg reaches maturity the womb sends out tendrils that extend through the internal organs to the interior abdomen. If fertilization occurs at this time the fistula seals itself off and detaches from colon, becoming self-containing. It is so small it moves without trouble and the tissue filaments attached to it draw it close to the abdominal wall and form an anchor as they shrink in size, positioning it properly. One filament will be more developed than the rest and will attach to the belly button, over the course of the pregnancy it will change and mutate this structure. By time of delivery it will morph into an operational birth canal, it will expand and function as the birth passage. The doctor has assured us that the process is relatively painless as the man who devised this wanted it to cause the least scarring and pain on his captives. Now, you three have obviously met these conditions however if they were to be unmet then the body would eventually return to its former state."

"So, we are in stage 3 then?" Jushiro asked, his eyes never leaving Kyoraku's face as he gripped his lovers hand tightly.

"Yes, we are all in stage 3. I am close to 6 months along and I believe you all are only one to two months along. "

"Jushiro you are about 2 weeks pregnant, Yumichika and Byakuya about one" the healer smoothly interrupted. The men nodded, so they had all gotten knocked up at the same time.

"Are we going to look like that?" Yumichika asked, horrified as he watched Ishida heave himself up from his chair.

"That's the least of our worries" Shuhei mumbled "we have to deal with the fall out." Unohana felt pity twist her heart, in the midst of it all there was society to face, and homosexuality was not well tolerated in soul society.

"One more thing" Ishida's voice rang out "there are some side effects, you will lose weight, have morning sickness, be very fatigued, crave weird things, have gas and be constipated, oh, and hemorrhoids" he grinned "if you have any questions Unohana knows how to reach me." And with that the heavily pregnant quincy uke waddled as dignified as he could from the room.

"Juu" the quiet gentle voice assaulted his ears, "Juu you ok?" Kyoraku looked at his lover, concern dancing in his deep brown eyes.

"Yea" he looked up, blinking. "I was just thinking about our baby, and how happy I am." He relaxed into his lovers arms, feeling their strength envelop him. It had been hours since the news had been broken and he was handling it well, the captain knew there would be hell to pay but for now he wanted to enjoy it.

"Yea" Kyoraku said smiling as he placed his hand on Jushiro's stomach "our child." He nuzzled his nose into the silky white hair and breathed deeply.

"Is this really ok?" The brunette asked, drawing his mate deeper into his embrace.

"Yes, with you by my side how could it not be?" Kyoraku sighed, wishing he had as much faith in himself as his partner did.


	5. Quaratine

**A/N next weeks chapters MAY be posted Monday 12/2 as I may not be able to post Sunday. We are travelling for Thanksgiving and get home on Sunday. If I am able to dear readers I will post Sunday. If not I ask for your patience in this matter=)**

**Kotori Yui: of course he is rude, but you know Byakuya he always has his reasons.**

**Panda master: I will attempt to deliver! thank you!**

**Kareu-chan: Yes Juu is quite cute pregnant isnt he? I am glad you are liking the story, as for the children...we will see**

**Please review, this is all the thanks the writers here get and it means so much to us, and doesn't take much of your time!**

Renji figured the only thing than his captain being mad at him was the captain's cold indifference and refusal to let him in. Per the healer's orders all the couples were under quarantine until the vaccine arrived. She planned to vaccine all the seme's and now that the uke's were pregnant they were no longer contagious, but she wanted them contained until they dealt with the situation politically. He understood of course but it didn't mean he enjoyed being in the same room as the ice prince. Once they had returned to the room he had tried to be as accommodating as possible but Byakuya barely said two words to him, something that upset Renji greatly. This was his child too, he wanted to be involved and to lessen the burden on his captain, who he hadn't stopped loving despite the fact their physical trysts had recently ended. He didn't want his captain to face this alone, he wanted to protect the man yet something in his captain's posture told him that this too was not welcome. Settling down on the bed opposite his captain he leaned his back against the wall and waited.

Byakuya was so lost in his own thoughts he was actually unaware he was ignoring Renji. His brain was zipping along at light speed as he considered the issues, consequences, fall out and how he was going to handle it all. It was a hefty burden he placed on his own shoulders, after all now that he had bluntly told Renji there was nothing further between the two of them he could not ask for his help. He knew the clan would be in an uproar at the fact their head was gay, and not just that but he was also pregnant; with a peasant's child. No, he set his mind firmly around the idea, he would not reveal the father this way he could protect Renji from the ramifications. Renji, he closed his eyes and drew a deep breath, a vision of the red head danced in his mind. Renji's rough, strong hands holding his face as he thrust into him, his hair cascading down his shoulders and onto Byakuya's slim chest, his tattoos undulating and dancing with his movements. Renji, his spicy sweet flavor and rough mannerisms that had been the undoing of his self-restraint. No, Renji would not have to deal with this, it was his problem and his alone; perhaps the clan would be so thrilled to have an heir it wouldn't matter. He sniffed back a sob at the thought of the stares and jeers he would have to endure, he knew many wouldn't say it to his face but behind his back, when they thought he wasn't listening. The thing was, Byakuya Kuchiki was more perceptive than anyone gave him credit for, and he would know what was said, he always found out sooner or later.

* * *

Shuhei was eternally grateful at this point to Unohana for putting all of the couples in separate, soundproof rooms until she acquired the vaccine. Not because of anything he was doing but because of Yumichika, the prissy man was not taking the news well. He raggedly ran a hand through his hair, lightly pulling at it as if an idea could be pulled from his brain. Yumichika was always so sensitive about his appearance, and this was only serving to drive him to depression, tears, and wailing; not that Shuhei didn't feel the same way deep inside. For the sickle wielding shinigami it wasn't the baby that was issue, nor Yumichika's expected appearance, it was the jeers and snide remarks he and his partner would be forced to endure. Seireitei was not fag friendly, it never had been despite the pronounced lack of women, it seemed people were either heterosexual or asexual there was to be no deviation of that. Yumichika was a fearsome warrior but a very gentle soul and he knew that his lover would be devastated at the societal fall out from this turned his steely eyes to the bed where Yumichika lay curled up in a ball, his back to his lover as his small shoulders moved up and down as he sobbed fitfully.

"Yumi" Shuhei said softly, settling on the bed next to the man. Placing his hands on the slender shoulders he attempted to turn Yumichika towards him.

"Get off me you stupid oaf, this is your fault!" Shuhei set his lips into a hard line at his lovers comment, he knew Yumichika wanted to have his dramatic moment but now was not the time for it. They needed to work together now to move forward as a united front.

"Yumichika" he said more sternly "I believe it takes two to tango, and I believe you wanted me to fuck you senseless, wasn't that what you said?" His words were harsh but had the desired effect as the dark head swung toward him, purple eyes wide in surprise at his words.

"That's better" Shuhei said, cupping his lover's angular chin only to be promptly punched in the face. Flying backwards he landed with a thud against the wall and slowly slid down. He peered through his bangs at the slender, irate and downright pissed man. The normally calm violet eyes were snapping with righteous anger, his perfectly coiffed hair in stunning disarray, his clothing disheveled and his lips in a tight line as he unleashed a diatribe of self-righteous fire and brimstone on poor Shuhei.

"Don't try to placate me you piece of shit" he said, his voice cold and toneless, his eyes hard chips of amethyst in his sunken face. When had Yumichika gotten so sickly looking he wondered as he studied him. "Yes it takes two to tango but if I'd known these were the consequences I wouldn't have danced with you in the first fucking place, you're not the one who is going to have to deal with the stares, the jokes, the comments. Oh, and don't forget it's in MY stomach, mine, not yours. I get to deal with this little bundle of joy being a parasite inside of me for nine fucking months Hisagi. While you, well, you can go on about life, your duties aren't put on hold you don't get to experience any of the fun side effects and you certainly don't get to give birth! I don't recall being asked if I was ready to be a parent?! I don't want to be a parent, I…" He stopped and began sobbing "I don't want this Hisagi" his eyes were weary as the fat teardrops rolled down his face. Shuhei felt his heart break at the sight, and then it completely shattered as he spoke.

"I understand Yumichika, we will get rid of it then" his eyes stayed glued to the floor lest his lover see the single and bitter tear that slipped down his cheek.


	6. a moment of peace

**A/N thank you all for the love and reviews! the holiday was lovely of course and i found a little bit of time to indulge you all!**

**Kareru-chan: ah yes he definitely is. after all he is so prissy and stiff it fits him. as for yumi i can't say anything other than keep reading.**

**Panda Master X: aww no worries just keep going**

**Kotori Yui: i hope your heart gets healed soon! **

**tderwes24: yes bya always does over think things and he usually ends up thinking himself into a corner doesnt he? as for yumi i am glad you understood what i was trying to do, thats exactly how i think he would react!**

**please review as thats all us writers get and we love them so=)**

Several months had passed and all of Seireitei was aware of their rather unique problem. Unohana had set up vaccine clinics at each division to ensure 100% cooperation and had assured everyone that as the uke's had entered the 3rd and final phase they were no longer considered contagious. Slowly the carriers had taken over their duties once again, and to everyone's shock and awe it was captain Zaraki who was the most sympathetic to their plight. Word from Ikkaku was the captain had personally threatened everyone in the 11th that if they so much looked at one of the carriers the wrong way he would end them. This had made Yumichika's transition back to work quite smooth, he was glad to be back and was only engaging in light sparring as he was starting to show. Actually, all of them were and it was quite obvious they were heavily pregnant.

Yumichika had decided not to get rid of the child; he couldn't destroy something he and Shuhei had made. He was angry, devastated, and feeling hopeless when he had realized that it wasn't just about him anymore. So often Shuhei had fawned over him, told him how beautiful he was, and here he was denying the man he loved the one thing he could give him. It didn't matter if he got fat and pregnant, if he had stretch marks or belly fat, Shuhei loved him. He loved him in spite of himself, he saw beneath the carefully placed façade of vanity and narcissism. His lover had put up with a lot of shit over the years and what he had really given the man? It was these thoughts that jolted his heart enough to change his mind, he could give this to Shuhei, and they could be…a family. Something neither man had ever thought they could truly achieve.

It was with this thought that he was enjoying an evening stroll through some back roads, the breeze was cool against his skin and he was feeling rather good (minus the hemorrhoids). Captain Zaraki had released him early today and he decided to take the long way to the restaurant he was to meet Shuhei at; after all he had to keep up his figure as much as possible. He was so lost in his thoughts about the day's events remembering a particularly amusing incident where one of the lower ranked female seats had asked to feel his stomach when he was rudely interrupted.

"Well, well, what a pretty little thing you are" a rough, drawling and venomous voice proclaimed. Looking around he saw no one, he placed a hand on his sword.

"What do you want? "His voice was steadier than he felt; he wasn't weak by any means but wary of fighting as he didn't want to take any blows to the stomach.

"Why is such a cute little thing like you out without your lover?" Lover was emphasized in an over the top sugary sweet tone as a rather large man appeared. His black hair was slicked back, dark eyes glinting maliciously, his zanpaktou hung loosely around his waist.

"I don't need his protection to walk around" he stated, sizing up the man when he felt the energy of several more.

"I see" the large man said, circling around Yumichika the way a predator stalks its prey. Yumichika gripped his sword.

"You don't want to do this" he said icily, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, but we do. You see you fucking gays don't belong here; you and your baby are an abomination. This is for pure souls, and you don't count" he sneered. Two other men appeared beside him, just as large as he was, hands on their zanpaktou's. Yumichika stood stunned, realizing these men were from his division. Without the watchful eye of his captain to protect him he was now vunerable.

"We have as much right to be here as you do" a quiet velvety voice cut through the silence, "reap Kazeshini." Yukichika swiveled around as he heard his lover while the three thug's eyes widened.

"Shuu!" The brunette smiled wickedly as his zanpaktou took on its shikai form of dual scythe blades. Grinning he twirled them deftly above his head.

"Now, what were you harassing my boyfriend about?" His eyes had a glint Yumichika had never seen, hard like obsidian, and he realized Shuhei was protecting him. He had seen Shuhei do battle, it was always an impressive sight, but never had he seen the man's jaw set so tensely, his eyes so cold and his voice so distant.

"We were sayin' that gays ain't welcome here" a blonde thug answered, Shuhei smirked as he sized the man up.

"And why is that?" He cocked an eyebrow; he was way too relaxed about this Yumichika thought as he kept his hand on his sword.

"Your kind is filthy, a disgrace to everything we stand for" the leader answered, drawing his sword. Before he could fully unsheathe it the sword went flying through the air as one of Shuhei's blades had quickly flicked it away.

"Too slow" he grinned maniacally. He deftly made a small motion with his wrist and his blades wrapped around the man's neck, the chain leaving an angry red welt.

"You see" he said in an almost bored tone. "I'm not sure if you realize that you're messing with a vice-captain as well. Since you are lower ranked defeating me is an impossibility no matter your numbers." He tightened the chain, squeezing the man's neck even harder. "As for Yumichika, I can attest to the fact that he is not weak myself, and that you do not know the true extent of his power; but" he glanced to his lover "I have half a mind to let him."

Yumichika smiled, understanding Shuhei's meaning, he slowly drew his sword and the two men who had been simply standing there stupidly took off. Perfect, now he only had one to deal with.

"Bloom, Ruri'iro Kujaku" he watched as the vines made their way to the oaf tangled in Shuhei's shikai. His lover kept the man's head facing front so he was unable to see what Yumichika was doing, and as the vines snaked up the man's body and began to absorb the man's energy he began to feel much better. Taking in as much as he could without killing the man he reveled in the sensation of fully releasing his sword, he felt the peacock roar to life with the command, silently thanking him. When he felt the man's life begin to slip he called his sword back to him, Shuhei released his hold on his neck and the man slumped to the ground, unable to stand.

"Remember how this feels next time you want to pick a fight with us" Shuhei said smoothly, wrapping a protective arm around Yumichika. They walked in silence for a few moments together, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Your glowing you know" Shuhei pointed out smiling.

"It's from the energy; it makes me feel so good!" Yumichika put his hands on his cheeks; he did feel good, great in fact. "I never get to use my full release and it's just exquisite isn't it?" He was practically squealing with joy and Shuhei began to laugh with him a low, rolling sound. Both men knew this was far from over, and that there would be many hardships to face. Seireitei wasn't exactly welcoming or happy about the homosexual relationships formed there and they were facing some very real prejudice. Many establishments refused them service because of their sexuality, and there was only so much to be done about that. Still, as they laughed together, arm in arm; both men felt a quiet peace settle over them.


	7. Author's note regarding updates

My dear readers, as promised i am notifying you of an update change. i am switching to bi weekly updates, i do apologize however i simply want the best for you and myself and at this point in time this is what will work out best to maintain the quality of work you are all used to.

My reasons are very simple. In 4 months time i will be taking my clinical hands on 3 day long final to complete the advancement of my degree. This is what i have been working towards for quite some time and i need to pour my heart and soul into making sure i pass this beast the first time and do not have to re take it *the pass rate is currently 46%*. My head needs to stay in the game and this has managed to kill my inspiration. In order to limit distractions and still provide my updates i am scaling it back for the time being.

This is not a permanent change, so don't fret, simply a temporary one.

I appreciate all of your continued support in this endeavor and am so thankful for it.

-Charlotte


	8. AN on hiatus

This story is currently put on hiatus, I will continue to write of course on my main story the enemy of my enemy, however this one is taking a backseat to that. As inspiration hits I will post and continue to write on this story it is simply currently few and far between, but not abandoned!

Thank you all for your immense patience.


End file.
